


Conversations

by Thousandsmiles



Series: Leave Everything Behind [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: Gen, Post-The Last Jedi, The Force, force conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-04 19:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13371954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thousandsmiles/pseuds/Thousandsmiles
Summary: A small series of conversations between Rey and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo post-The Last Jedi.Or the one where Rey becomes a spy (of sorts), gains a friend, learns to respect her enemy and somehow manages to deal with the fact that both her friend and enemy is the same person.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy! Tell me what you think. 
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars.

There’s a moment’s tension, a touch of connection and then a sigh let’s her know she’s not alone.

“We have got to stop meeting like this,” she says. She doesn’t bother to sit up in her bunk or move her hand from over her face.

“When I figure out how to stop it, we will,” Ren informs her.

“What if I figure out how to stop it?” she demands.

There’s the sound of a shrug and then he says, “The end result will be the same I suppose.”

“Hmm,” she says and then sits up. Kylo Ren AKA Ben Solo is standing in the middle of her room. She can’t see where he is and she knows he can’t see where she is either, except for the bunk because she’s sitting on it.

“Down cycle?” he asks.

“For me,” she allows. “I’m on shift.” She has to be careful about what she says; he can narrow down where she was by the length of planet rotation.

“Ahh,” he says.

“Did you sleep?” she asks. He has dark, er…, darker circles around his eyes and there is tension in his face.

“Some,” he allows. Rey waits a moment but he doesn’t elaborate.

“So, what shall we talk about today?” she asks. It’s been three months since Crait and this isn’t the first time they’ve seen each other since. They’ve argued and explained and hashed out every single problem they can think of in the past few months, several times over. No matter how hard they try they can’t seem to meet in the middle. The most they’ve managed to do is agree to disagree.

“I don’t know,” he says. Rey sighs.

“Me either,” she replies. There is a moment’s hesitation and then he comes and sits on her bunk, scooting so his back is against the wall like hers.

“Do you think he lied?” she asked.

“Who?” Ren is staring at her door. Or, she guesses, probably staring at his.

“Snoke,” she says. “Do you think he lied about this being something he did to us?”

“Maybe,” he says, “I don’t put it past him.”

She sighs. “Me either.” She leans back her head on the wall and stares up at her gray ceiling. “Did you lie?” she asked him.

“About what?” He’s still staring of into the distance.

“About my parents?” It was something she wondered at often but hadn’t quite had the nerve to ask yet.

“No,” he said, “And yes.”

Rey waited.

“They weren’t nobodies but they weren’t somebodies either. They were ex-republic who hadn’t handled the aftermath of the war very well. But they are dead.”

“Oh,” she said, numbly. Next to her Ben shifted and hooked his arm through hers.

“I’m sorry,” he said. She didn’t think he was talking about lying to her.

She swallows hard, sniffs and then swipes at her eyes with her free hand. “Thanks,” she says shakily. He doesn’t say anything, but gives her the silence and the time she needs.

“Do you think we can ever stop fighting?” she asks.

“Considering the only way we’ve found to do that, is for one of us to come to the other side, I would say no,” Ben tells her.

Rey laughs. It doesn’t sound happy. She’s been fighting her whole life but not like this. This time it’s others who get hurt and Rey can’t do a thing to help them.

“Gosh Ben,” she says, “I’m so tired of the killing. I’m so tired of people dying, good people. Please tell me you don’t enjoy it.”

“I don’t,” he reassures her, “It’s simply a means to an end.” It should scare her, the coldness of the statement, but she relaxes because he doesn’t take pleasure in it. He’s not a monster, not yet.

“Does power mean so much to you?” Rey asks, leaning her head against his shoulder. While Kylo Ren is her much respected enemy, Ben Solo is her friend.

“What does power mean to you Rey?” he asks in his deep voice. He tilts his head so his cheek rests on top her head.

Rey stops to think about it and then says, “The ability to protect what you love. What does power mean to you Ren Solo?”

“Home,” he says simply, “Power is the ability to carve out your space in the world, a place that’s yours, a place where you belong.”

“You don’t find a home with power Ben,” she says, quietly.

“It’s the only way I’ve found,” he replies just as quietly. “And I’ll fight for it. Wouldn’t you fight for your conception of power?  Wouldn’t you fight for the ability to make what you love safe?”

She would. But not the way he had. There are lines that shouldn’t be crossed or what you love will hate you forever.

“Not if those I love are hurt in the process,” she says, “Then it’s not worth it. What’s the power to protect what I love mean when they’re dead by the time I’ve obtained it? Or what if what I become with that power makes them fear me? Hate me?”

She feels him stiffen under her.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “You’re not a monster.”

“I am a monster,” he corrects her.

“No,” Rey refutes. “You aren’t.”

“Not yet you mean,” he says darkly.

“Not ever Ben!” she says fiercely, tilting her head up so she could look him in the eye. “I will never let you be a monster.”

“Because that wouldn’t bode very well for your rebellion,” he says coldly.

“Because it would destroy you,” Rey refutes.  She places a hand over his heart. “You still have a heart Ben, and it’s the best thing about you.”

He stares at her, wide eyed and then swallows hard and looks away. She leans her head back on his shoulder and this time she’s the one giving him the time he needs.

“You’re very fond of calling me that,” he observes after a few long moments.

“What? Oh, you mean Ben. It’s your name, isn’t it?” asks Rey. “And it’s still a part of you, no matter how much you might wish it wasn’t. Believe me the day there isn’t anything left of Ben in you is the day I’ll stop calling you that.”

He actually smiles, though its very quick. “That seems a little childish,” he says, still amused.

“Say the guy who throws temper tantrums with his lightsaber,” says Rey rolling her eyes.

Ben colors faintly. He was never going to live down the time they had connected while he was attacking the side of his room with his lightsaber and he knew it.

“Shut up,” he grumbles. Rey tries to hide a smile but can’t. She settles for resting back her head on his shoulder.

After sitting in peaceful silence for about five minutes he says, “You should get some rest. You have to be up in the morning.”

“I have to be up for my next shift,” she corrects. He’s Ben Solo but he’s still also Kylo Ren and there was no extracting one from the other no matter how much Rey wishes to do so. She’ll always have to watch her words with him and he’ll have to do the same with her. They’re friends but sadly, they’re also enemies.

“Goodbye Ren Solo,” she tells him. “I do have a long shift ahead of me and no doubt you have things to do as well.”

He smiles at her then. “Sleep well, Rey.” And then he’s gone.


	2. Chapter 2

“What would you be?” she asked.

“What?” he asked looking up from where he sat reading reports. He quickly swiped the screen off before Rey could read what was on it.

“You offered for us to leave everything behind,” Rey reminded him. “So, if we did, if we just left everything, no First Order, no Rebellion, no New Order, what profession would you choose? You must have some skills, right?”

He blinked and then turned his chair to face her. “A pilot I guess,” he said.

Rey grinned. “Ferrying people across space?” she asked. “Or across cites for a fare?” Ren twists his face at the thought which makes her laugh.

“Scavenging,” he suggests with a smirk.

“Uh! No! Oh, I know,” she said, “How about a trader? We can trade bits of odds and ends across the galaxy.”

“Okay,” he said, “And if I’m the pilot, what would you be?”

“Your engineer,” she said, “I’m good with ships. You fly us and I’ll keep the ship together.”

“Fair enough,” he allows. “So, we just fly around the galaxy trading things?”

“Why not?” asked Rey, “You get to visit new place, see exotic people, taste new foods. Maybe you can pod-race if we’re on a planet to get extra money. I’ll be your ground crew and cheer you from the sidelines.”

Ben snorts. “You mean I’ll be risking my life while you’re safe on the sidelines.”

“Of course,” said Rey. “If you die, I get the ship.”

He actually laughs at that. “Of course. So is there anything in particular we’ll be trading or is ‘odds and ends’ our entire job description?”

“Hmm,” Rey ponders. “There are some good food trade routes in the Outer Rim. Some core worlds have some niche markets in metals, and handmade goods.”

“They do,” agrees Ren. “So we trade whatever’s hot?”

“Yes,” agrees Rey, “We can smuggle something every now and then and get a huge payout and go eat a fancy restaurant where we can’t pronounce half the dishes.”

“And don’t know the language,” Ben adds.

“Exactly,” Rey smiles. “And I can teach.”

“Teach?” there is a light tension in his voice.

“Self-defense,” she said, “To the children in the slums of the worlds we visit. I had to learn how to protect myself and it wasn’t easy. I’d like to make a difference for others.”

“Oh,” he relaxes. He ponders for a moment. “It sounds nice,” he says. 

“Yes,” says Rey. It does. “We can get a droid too.”

“A droid?” he said frowning.

“I like droids,” Rey said, “And they’re very useful in helping to keep a ship afloat. Maybe we can even get two.”

“One for me and one for you?” he asks amused.

“Why not?” said Rey. “With the routes we’d be taking, we’d need all the help we can get.”

Ren chuckles softly. “You know we’ll probably be broke within the first year.”

“Yeah,” Rey sighs. “But it’d be nice.”

“Yes, it would be,” he agreed.

Neither of them says that it will never happen. They both know it won’t.

 


	3. Chapter 3

The first time she sees him after Crait she tries to kill him. Sure, they had left on terms that while not amiable were still not entirely antagonistic but in the interim before they were drawn together again, she had learned of all their casualties. The resistance was small enough to fit on the Falcon and that was a bitter pill to swallow.

He isn’t that happy with her either. The resistance got away and it’s due to her. Luke Skywalker showed him up before all his men. The resistance is still alive.

They do their fair share of yelling and throwing scathing insults to each other before the connection snaps.

Unfortunately, it’s done in full view of everyone who is staring at her like she’s mad. Rey flushes and storms out, not wanting to explain, not that she thinks there’s any need to. There’s only one person she’d be talking to like that, only one person she could have said those things to.

Leia finds her standing outside and shaking with anger and sorrow and pain.

“What to tell me what that was about?”

“Snoke,” she says, because there’s no use hiding anything. “He did something to us, connected us. I thought it’d be gone when he died. Apparently, it hasn’t faded completely.”

“Alright,” says Leia. “Could he have see where you were Rey? This is important.”

“Oh,” says Rey. “No. He can’t see my surroundings and I can’t see his.”

Leia lets out a breath of relief. “Good. We aren’t compromised.”

“I’m sorry,” says Rey, “I should have thought of that.”

“You aren’t used to war,” Leia says to her. “It’s okay. How long has this been going on?”

“Since Ach-to,” Rey says. “We talked. I found out what happened that night. I tired to get him to come back to the light with me but, but he didn’t. He wanted me to rule at his side but I wouldn’t do that either. I thought, if he turned, it’d turn the tide. I’m sorry. I’m talking so callously about this and he’s your son.”

“If you weren’t sounding like you wanted to have a really good cry I might have thought it callous,” Leia says sounding amused. I’m glad you tried Rey. Thank you.”

Rey gives her a wobbly smile. “If it helps he saved my life. He’s, he’s not lost yet.”

“Rey if you can’t save him…”

“Don’t,” says Rey. “I can’t say I will and I can’t say I won’t.”

“Alright,” says Leia. “Tell me if this keeps happening okay? And if it does, watch what you say. He’ll have learned how to be clever with his words.”

Rey nods. She doesn’t want to compromise them at all.

 

* * *

 

The expected fading away of the connection never happens. Her friends learn to realize when he’s appeared and she often excuses herself from their company. There’s a lot of anger towards him and she doesn’t need their anger and hate and fear clouding her mind when she speaks to him. She still thinks there’s conflict, in fact she knows there is. If there’s a sliver of light still inside him, she’s going to try to pull him with it. The fact still holds that if he turns he can turn the tide of this war. He clearly holds the same view of her and they reject each other’s offers so much, it almost becomes amiable.

A fledging, tentative friendship begins to spring up, amidst both their efforts to twist tiny but important details of whereabouts and activities from each other. Rey respects the need-to-know basis on the resistance plans and works on perfecting her pokerfaced. Poe helps her. For all that the pilot is amiable, he can school his face with best of them, showing only what he wants to show.

But their efforts to undermine each other surprisingly does not detract from their friendship, probably Rey thinks because their both aware they’re trying to undermine each other. It’s honest dishonesty. Kylo Ren is a surprisingly good conversationalist when he want’s to be and he’s pretty intelligent, despite the childish tendencies he displays. Though it all though, Rey never forgets just how dangerous he is.

 

* * *

 

She’s walking though their latest base when she feels that touch of connection. She turns to see Kylo looking at her. The wind blows from on his side and causes her eyes to flutter and then he’s gone. Rey blinks and then continues forward. After a few steps her scalp begins to itch lightly and she runs her hand through her scalp and freezes as it comes away sandy.

She rolls the grains of sand through her fingers and then dashes to the techs that have remained.

“Can we analyze this sand to find out where it comes from?”

The techs had looked at her like she was crazy but they did so and she was pleasantly surprised to learn that there was in fact only one place that had that composition of sand. Rey smiled. She knew where the First Order was. She hurried off to tell Leia who listened gravely and then said, “Good work Rey. And be careful.”

“I will,” Rey tells her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter before part 2 of the series comes up! If you enjoyed this one, you can check that one out!!

“Are you drinking?” his voice holds an edge of disbelief.

“Only a little,” she says. “It’s barely alcoholic.” Force users tend to not drink.

“I don’t think I’ve done anything to drive you to drink, lately,” he says and Rey snorts.

“The world doesn’t revolve around you Kylo Ren,” she says. “We’re having a party.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I think I would have heard if you would have defeated the First Order.”

“We’re not celebrating a win,” she replies. “We’re just celebrating being alive. When you live on the edge all the time, it’s, it’s a good thing to make good memories to carry with you.”

There was a pause while he contemplates that. He gives a one shoulder shrug that said he didn’t really understand and didn’t care to try.

“If you’re supposed to make good memories,” he said after a moment, “why are you alone?”

“I’m not overly fond of parties,” she said.

There is a light snort of disbelief. “By which you mean you have no experience with them and don’t know how to react, so you left.”

Rey scowled at him and tossed her empty cup at his image. He jerks back a little as it passes through him.

“There aren’t many parties on Jakku,” she said, “And what there are, are not like this.”

“I don’t doubt it,” he says sounding amused.

“Shut up,” she said. He does but there’s a smirk on his face.

Parties on Jakku are wild, technicolor things. This is something that is freer, and cycles between slow and fast.

After a moment though, he walks over to where she’s sitting and waits until she scowls up at him.

“What?” she said.

He holds out his hand. “Dance with me.” Her eyebrows sky up in surprise. He misinterprets the look, either truthfully or deliberately and says, “Yes I can dance.”

Rey hesitates and then takes his hand and lets his pull her up. “You’ll have to tell me what kind of music is playing though,” he says, “because you’re the only one who can hear it.”

Rey scoffs but listens for the music still streaming faintly in to where she was. “It’s in one of the slow cycles,” she says. After a moment, she recognizes the tune, an old, but well known one and begins to hum it. Her voice isn’t great but she can keep a tune.

Ren pulls her to him, slipping one hand around her waist and takes her other hand in his and began to lead her gently around the space. Rey isn’t very good at dancing and from the smirk Ren is only half-trying to conceal, her finds it amusing.

“Hush,” she says to him.

“It takes practice,” he allows.

“How do you know how to dance?” she asks.

“Leia taught me,” he said simply.

“Oh,” she says stunned and has a sudden vision of a gangly Ben being led around by his mother and tripping over his feet.

“So you weren’t good at it either.”

Ben laughs softly. “Actually, I was. I pretty graceful even then.”

Rey steps on his foot. It isn’t on purpose but serves her just as well.

“You call your mom by her name?” she asked as they swayed to the music she is humming between their conversation.

“She always had people calling her General or Princess. She used to complain that she never heard her own name so we called her that at home.”

“Oh,” she said. “That’s sweet.”

He shrugs. Rey picks back up her tune and they dance without further conversation for some time.

The tune switches into something faster and little more modern and Rey does her best to copy it. Ren switches the dance to something faster as well and a little more flamboyant and after a minute she realizes that he knows the song.

To Rey’s amusement she is better at the faster dance. Ren is amused too.

“Always a fighter Rey,” he comments.

“And you’re not?” she retorts.

“I know how to dance,” he points out.

She smacks her hand against his waist and he actually laughs out loud, throwing back his head, eyes crinkling with laughter. She shakes her head at him and replaces her hand on his waist and they switch back to the slower dance as the music slows down again.

Dancing with Ben is… comfortable. It’s not awkward at all, even though there’s plenty of opportunity for it to be so. But the very fact that it was Ben kept it from being awkward.

The music slows even more into another old but popular tune and they don’t move so much as sway to the music that Rey is humming lightly under her breath.

“Is this a good memory Rey?” he asks, breath ruffling her hair.

Part of her want to say, ‘it depends on how this all ends up’ but then she realizes that it was going to be a good memory no matter what.

“Yes,” she says softly. “This is definitely a good memory.”

They continue swaying through the dark and Rey loses track of time until a stray thought wanders through her mind.

“Where are you?”

“Mmm?”

“I can’t imagine you’re doing this on the bridge of your ship.”

Ren’s body shakes with silent laughter. “In my quarters. Where are you?”

“Not at the party,” Rey replies and he laughs softly again.

A few moments later she hears footsteps coming and stiffens. Ren stiffens in response.

“Someone’s coming,” she explained.

He relaxes slightly and then says, “Enjoy the rest of your party Rey.” The connection fades and he’s gone. Rey stands looking in the direction he’d been until the footsteps coming closer take away her attention. A few seconds later she picks out Finn’s voice and Poe’s and smiles softly when she realized they’d come looking for her.

“Over here,” she calls and walks out to meet them, going from one friend to another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know I said the last chapter was the last one but then I realized I should put this in. Whoops! I hope you enjoy.

Rey is sitting dully on the floor of her bedroom feeling too numb to cry. The battle had been one with heavy losses and though she helped, she can't feel like she's done enough. She has just returned from helping with triage and all the blood and loss and pain had been heartbreaking to bear.

When Ben appears, she throws her shoe at him. He dodges it and Rey wants to throw the other, wants to scream incoherently at him. She chokes down her anger instead. She'd known, known what it was going to be like, having friends on either side of this war. Damn it she'd know but she didn't anticipate feeling it hurt so much. There was a physical ache tearing at her in her chest.

"Go away," she says calmly with great effort, "Go away Ben, please. I don't want to see you right now."

"I don't have any control over this," he says.

"Then just…."

He retreats to a corner of her room and turns his back to her while she struggles with the tears that have suddenly appeared. She loses the fight and sobs helplessly into her arms. She tries to stop but just seems to cry harder. She'd had friends there, people she'd known well. And now they're gone. She sobs and sobs and then she feels someone put an arm around her and Ben pulls her to his chest.

"No!" she says pushing him away. "Don't. Ben please!"

He doesn't listen. "I understand you don't want to take comfort from an enemy," he says and then adds hesitantly, "But how about from a friend?"

"Friends don't kill my other friends!" she sobs.

"But I'm not only your friend," He says and she knows that, has always known it.

"Please Ben," she says again and he gets up and leaves her alone.

When her crying finally winds down and she wipes away her tears, she asks, "Are they just fodder to you?"

"Who?" he asks.

"Your storm troopers. Does it hurt when they die or are they just cannon fodder? Like it doesn't matter how many of them die unless it brings a tactical disadvantage?"

"I don't care for them the way you care for your friends," he says after a moment of silence. "But they are mine and I dislike when others take what's mine. They are not just cannon fodder to me Rey. I don't count human life lightly."

"You killed a whole village when you captured Poe," she pointed out.

"A warning," he says, "And a precaution. Who knows which one of them had methods of contacting the resistance?"

"There were children," she said softly.

"A warning to any others who would cross us. The loss of one village could prevent the death of others. War demands monstrous things in order for change to happen."

"Is it worth it?" she asks. "Does your vision of the galaxy actually help people or does it just, just serve the upper echelons?"

"I thought you said I wasn't a monster," he said stooping down to face her.

"Ben," she says warningly.

"I mean to make the galaxy a better place," he says. "I doubt everyone will agree on the standard."

She huffs a laugh. "That's a very diplomatic answer."

"My mother is a diplomat," he reminded her.

Rey sniffs and rubs the tear tracks off her face. She takes a deep breath and calms herself. "If you win this, Ben Solo, I ask you to not be a tyrant. Ask people what they really need, think about others. If you are my friend you would know that it would hurt if I were to die. Every person that dies as a result of your ruling, is someone's friend. If you truly don't hold sentient life so lightly then please don't rule so that people die like flies."

"Alright," he says after a moment. "Alright. I will."

There is silence for a long time and then he says hesitantly. "Would you still come with me? When all of this is over?"

Rey sits on her bunk and answer both honestly and a little bitterly. "There's only one place I won't go with you Ben."

The Dark goes unsaid but he knows it.

His shoulders relax though. "I'm sorry," he says, "For the pain you feel. But I can't apologize for what I've done."

"I know," she says. "I won't apologize for anything the rebellion has done to the First Order either."

He turns and looks at her, "Then we understand each other." And then he's gone and Rey weeps in her heart for the friends she lost and the friend she has but cannot seem to reach and simultaneously longs to save her enemy.

**Author's Note:**

> I find it difficult to write these characters. Ben is something of an enigma and Rey is in a period of change in her life and kinda hard to pin down. Still I hope they came out okay. Tell me what you all think.


End file.
